he believes in me

I get excited about things. I go all in. But, with a few exceptions, I feel like I’m really not a finisher. I plan and plot and make the first few moves, but in general I feel like my follow through is lacking.I have started and not finished so many things that one of these times when I tell DanO about something new, I half expect him to laugh and nod and pat my head. Silly little wife and her dreams.But you guys, he never does. He dreams with me, he supports me, he believes in me.I have mentioned that we are dramatically changing our money handling here in This O House, and that has included the grocery budget. Starting in October, we cropped $100 off of our budgeted grocery amount and I am working on fitting what we need into that smaller number.One of the things I have been doing is making our buns, rolls, cookies, and bread from scratch instead of buying them packaged. Sure, you can get a $.99 loaf of bread, but the nutritional value thereof is going to be severely lacking. The bread products we buy tend to be whole grain, often organic, and can be pricey. I checked a few cookbooks out from the library and have been having some great success.{one pound loaf that we had with dinner yesterday}Except. Confession time. I have never in my adult life owned or used a mixer of any kind. I feel like most people get their mixers as wedding gifts, but we didn’t register for a stand mixer at our wedding because I thought that those $300 could go elsewhere that would be more needed by us (and at 20 and 21, we needed a lot of more essential things). Why we never picked up a hand mixer in the last few years I’m not sure, but everything I have ever mixed has been by hand with one of our two whisks. Then, with all of this bread business going on, I bent one of the whisks a few weeks ago.Here’s the other part of this story: Way back in August when I decided to run a half marathon, I set up a reward for myself should I finish. Kind of like some women give themselves “push gifts” – items (purses, shoes, jewelry, etc.) they will get once they are done pushing in labor as a way to be motivated – I planned on getting a “finishing gift”: a nice stand mixer. Keep in mind that this was before our budget lock-down, and even before the bread making. I wanted this mixer because they’re nice and hey – I like to make cookies as much as the next lady.When October, our budget, and the half marathon came, the mixer was off the table. It just wasn’t feasible anymore, and I was ok with that. I finished the race all the same and the pride in my accomplishment is no less than what it would have been with a new appliance on my counter.Then yesterday DanO walked in the door from work holding this:I screamed and giggled and clapped.Then I cried.{and made cookies}To me, the image is painfully beautiful. It’s elaborate love. It’s seeing a desire of his beloved’s and satisfying it. It’s believing that I will follow through and continue to make our own bread to the extent that this will be a worth-while investment. It’s extravagant, sacrificial love.If you can’t tell, it’s not really about the mixer itself.It’s the gift of being believed in, of being supported and loved.And for those of you thinking, ‘But, uh, Allison? Budget? Living like no one else? The whole Dave Ramsey thing?’: It was a craigslist STEAL and was purchased with unexpected income.PS: if you’re wondering that, you missed the point.It’s a blessing I don’t deserve from a husband I don’t deserve.{here’s the recipe for the loaf in the picture seen above}